Philophobia: The fear of Love
by sammarylovesmalfoy
Summary: "He just stared at her… he didn't know what to say. This was Granger! He had made sure that he never passed by an opportunity to mock her or show her up in class… and yet here she was. Asking him if he was okay."  SORRY FOR THE MUCH CHAINGING!
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHINGG! jks im really J.K Rowling... what did you think?**

**oh, and i also happen to have joint wrote this first chapter with a friend, so i even only own half of this... never mind ALLLL of Harry Potter!...**

**Read and enjoy... (unless you dont want too?)**

**Chapter 1**

Draco sighed moodily and glanced at the far off brooding storm clouds, his blond hair falling gently into his eyes. The tear stained letter in his hand fell to the floor as his head came to rest on the window sill… the cool stone pressed agained his flushed forehead. 'Why?' he thought. 'why, why, WHY!' sobbing harder now, he slid down the wall with his back pressed against the hard rock wall of the owlery tower. Hearing a small gasp from the door his head shot up in panic.

OoO

Hermione was humming to herself as she made her way to the owlery, intending on sending a bulky update on all hogwarts life this year. It informed her parents in extactic detail about her new position as head girl and every roll and reponisbility that came with that. Upon reaching the owlery, however, she paused, was someone crying? There was a solitary figure silhouetted against the rising sun shining through one of the many surrounding windows. She dropped her packge as she let out an involuntary gasp. Was Malfoy…crying?

She looked around, unsure of what to do; what was she _supposed_ to do? Someone she'd grown to hate bitterly was standing in front of her, looking completely vulnerable. But...despite how vile he was, he was still human, and with those fresh tears shining on his cheeks he looked so innocent and lost... like an angel who suddenly woke up to find its wings ripped off and its world in shatters.

"I, um…sorry," She muttered, before looking away and walking over to a barn owl, calling it down to her.

OoO

Draco spun around, his face quickly trying to resume its usual scowl but not quite managing it, he just ended up looking sligtly confused and rather like a lost puppy. The _mudblood_. Of course she was the one to find him at his weakest, most insecure…  
>and for that second he found that he didn't even care. Sinking back to the ground he watched as she quickly muttered "I, um…sorry," and walked up to a softly hooting brown barn owl, studiously avoiding his gaze.<p>

He watched, almost transfixed, as she leant over the owl. Handling it gently and softly, whispering as the disgruntled owl had a rather large, lumpy package tied to its leg. He absentmindedly watched the curve of her soft pink lips as she whispered, his gaze picking up on the sprinkle of freckles which dusted her nose… just like his mothers. His mother. The pain hit him double this time and he squeezed his eyes shut, as if that could block out the truth.

OoO

Hermione tried to ignore the feeling of being watched as she sent the owl on it's way. Biting her lower lip, she stood and watched it fly away, awkwardly unsure of what she should do; say something? Pretend she hadn't noticed him? but now that she had acknowledged his presence that wouldnt really work.

She turned her head just enough to look at him, standing with his eyes shut tightly, almost looking like he was…in pain? Clearing her throat, she hesitantly took a single step toward him. "Are you…okay?"

_I shouldn't care_ she thought, but it wasn't in her nature to walk away from someone in need of help, whether that someone would do the same to her or not.

OoO

He just stared at her… he didn't know what to say. This was _Granger! _He had made sure that he never passed by an opportunity to mock her or show her up in class… and yet here she was. Asking him if he was okay.  
>Unable to speak he just gestured to the crumbled letter, lying on the dirt floor of the owl<br>ery... mocking him with its innocent appearance. He watched as her eyes widened in understanding as she read:

_Dear Mr. Draco Malfoy,  
>We are sorry to inform you of the death of your mother, Narcissa Malfoy, on the 21st of May at her hiding place in Hudson street, London.<br>Evidence has come to light that she was murded by the hands of your father, Mr Lucious Malfoy, due to her recent abandonment of the Death Eaters. Your protection at the school has been doubled and we all mourn with you in the loss of this wonderful woman who had the bravery to choose what she knew to be right in the face of great danger.  
>Your guardianship now falls into the hands of Severus Snape, your godfather. Your mother has left you a fortune of some hundred thousand gallons which have all been transferred to your Gringots vault.<br>If there are any other matters you wish to discuss then please, don't hesitate to contact us at the Ministry of Magic,_

_Albert RosenburgeDeputy head Aurous at the Ministry of magic_

OoO

**SO... as magical as i am, i cant do Legimency and i really dont know what you think... thats why you press review to tell me. Ill be waiting. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: i dont own Harry potter, i ownly claim my ideas... *Runs and crys with the rest of the people who own nothing of importance***

**Just For Fun: Harry Potter Pickup Lines (WARNING: Extreme corneyness alert!)**

***Idea stolen from verypen***

_My name may not be Luna, but I sure know how to Lovegood!  
><em>_Going to bed? Mind if I Slytherin?  
><em>_You don't even have to say "Luminos Maxima" to turn me on!  
><em>_Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?  
><em>_You can have the portkey to my heart.  
>I must need Occlumency, because I can't get you out of my thoughts.<br>I might as well be under the Imperius curse, because I'd do anything for you.  
>Your smile's like expelliarmus: simple but disarming.<br>Did you survive Avada Kedavra? 'Cause you're drop dead gorgeous.  
>Did you go to Hogwarts? Because wow your skills are magical!<br>_

**Chapter 2**

Hermione hesitantly picked up the crumbled piece of paper, shooting a glance at Malfoy before reading it. As her eyes scanned line after line, she felt like her heart was going to break; she felt sick. The scene played out in her mind, of Narcissa Malfoy, being killed by her own husband. What made it worse was that she was sure he didn't choose to, that he was forced to, by Voldemort. She let her hand holding the letter fall to the side as she looked from it to Malfoy. What was she supposed to say to him now?

Running a hand through her tangled hair, she sighed. "I…I'm sorry…?" The words came out as more of a question, so she tried again. "If…if you want to talk about it…" She folded an arm across her chest, grabbing the other at the elbow, and shuffled her feet awkwardly.

OoO

Her sympathy just made the hurt worse; guilt was clawing its way up and down his spine. When he needed someone most, she was there. And even though she probably only cared because it was engrained into her very Griffindor nature to help those who where in distress. Her words felt like a soothing balm to his broken heart. The years of loathing where suddenly stripped away, like a blanket from a window, flooding his mind with light as he realized how stupid clinging to prejudice was in light of a loss such as this.

He had long ceased to believe in the ramblings of a madman such as Voldemort, swapping sides with his mother and helping her find a hiding place in London. Surrounded by the protection of Aurors he had thought she would be safe… "They promised she would be safe!" he choked out leaning forward to hide his face in the soft fabric of her cloak, her feathery soft hair tickling his cheek.

OoO

Hermiony stiffened as he pressed his face against her shoulder, unsure of what to say. "Um…" She swallowed hard and slowly reached a hand up to pat him on the back awkwardly. "I…I really am sorry," She repeated quietly. "I…I can't imagine…"

OoO

He felt her stiffen and knew that she was probably really confused. He was confused! But when your whole world it falling apart you don't really think about what you're doing. If you need comfort you seek it from whoever is there to give it, even if it's from a previously bitter enemy. Her hand gently rested on his back, and she quietly murmured something comforting.

The pain was beyond belief, searing its way through his entire being like liquid fire, burning and scalding all in its path. He jumped up scared that his pain would erupt from him and spread into her through their contact.  
>He suddenly couldn't bare the thought of her hurting as well. He practically sprinted back to his dorms.<p>

OoO

Hermiony was in shock. What had just happened? One minute he was crying into her shoulder like it was the only thing holding him to this world. The next he was gone, jumping up like he had been burnt and sprinting down the hallway, his pattering footsteps echoing along the walls.  
>She sat there for awhile trying to sort out her confused thoughts before looking down and realizing she was still clutching Draco's letter in her hand.<p>

OoO

Draco walked into the great hall that night as usual followed by his cloud of slytherin cronies. He made his way to the table physically forcing himself not to look in her direction. Or think about her at all for that matter.

He knew that something had happened that morning in the owlery but he didn't know what, he wasn't even sure he _wanted_ to know what. All those thoughts of it 'not mattering anymore' were gone and the truth had returned, feeling like a staggering heavy load on his shoulders.

He had a reputation to maintain, but he knew that he would never again be able to call her 'mudblood', or curse her, or tease her, or... or probably even talk to her again for that matter. How embarrasing! Slitherins didnt have such childish emotions as hurt, and Malfoys never cried. Never. And now... now he was the only Malfoy left. He now more than ever had to keep the name getting the respect it deserved.  
>But he knew he couldn't avoid her forever, after all they were head boy and girl. But they came from worlds just too different, and he knew she was happy in hers and he was defiantly happy in his-own. Well at least that's what he kept telling himself.<p>

OoO

After a feast of trying (and failing) not to think about Draco, Hermiony was obliged to get up and herd all the first years back to their dormitories, a role she was not relishing. After a lot of squealing and protesting she finally got them all into bed and was looking forward to a nice relaxing wind down before bed in her chambers with a book, but when she got to her dormitories she was greeted by a sign;

"_The head girl's belongings have been relocated to the Head's dormitories, which have been under refurbishment for the first two days of terms."_

_OoO_

**_OKAYYYYYYYY so review and tell me wacha think ... ill be looking forward to it_**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: no I DONT OWN HARRY POTTER... **

**Just For Fun: Recipy for ****Pumpkin Juice!* **

_Ingredients:-_

_2 cups of pumpkin, chopped up into chunks_

_2 cups of apple juice_

_½ cup of pineapple juice_

_1 teaspoon of honey (more or less to your liking)_

_Method:-_

_the pumpkin pieces by squeezing through a cheesecloth or using a juicer if you have one._

_the pumpkin juice, apple juice and pineapple juice into a blender._

_the honey (we recommend you start with 1 teaspoon, as you can add some later!) to the juices and blend thoroughly._

_your pumpkin juice or serve iced and enjoy!_

**Chapter 3**

Draco stared dumb struck at the note pinned to his door. This could not be happening! This meant that he... NO! He could barely look at her never mind live in the same dorms as her! How could he have been so stupid as to forget that heads had their own dorms? He groaned, cursing his unlucky stars.

Was everything he ever dreamed in his worst nightmares, determined to come true this year?

First he changed sides in the war of the century. Then his mother was murdered by his father (even if he _had _been forced) so now his father was a souless nobody after being treated to the Dementors kiss. Great. And upon discovering this piece of life changing, heart breaking, world shaking news... what had he done? Not spent one night drowning his feelings in liters of alchol consomption, or spent the night with women of questionable morals, as any good Malfoy would have done. No, he had broken into tears as weak as a childs before finding his comfort in the form of a certain muggle born, bushy haired, know it all, witch! PLUS rather than quietly living it down by never speaking to her again, he now was forced to _share dorms with her_!

No, he didn't think things could get worse.

OoO

Hermione dragged her luggage up the final stair, wiping the sweat dripping unattractively off the tip of her nose. Merlin it was hot today and for goodness_ sake_ why did the stairs have to be so long. Its not as if Hermione wasnt athletic or anything but that, that was just pushing it! Turning around she lifted her eyes to see a certain blod haired boy looking on, his patented smirk shockingly present on his face. He was definatly not looking like an angel now.  
>"Well done Granger. You do realize that you're a witch, right?" Hermione stared at him, "because, you know, I was just checking. I suppose you just dragged that trunk up the stairs by hand because you wanted the exercise."<p>

Hermione's heart sank. Well done Hermione, she thought bitterly, you're a witch. Whipping out her wand she levitated her luggage and sent it through the door labelled _'Head Girl' _while Draco watched with a possibly even broader smirk. Hermione scowled at him.

Stupid arrogent git! He's just lost his mother, she tried to reason with herself. But that didnt stop her from turning her wand on him and seeing that smug smirk dissapear as fast as she could say jinx. It seemed like the night in the owlery wasnt going to be discussed. Slitherins, what was it that had them all running as fast as they could from anything that involved emotion. Any emotion that wasnt hate anger and... more hate.

"Shut it ferret, i didnt see you offering to help." she shot at him.

"Oh no," He said seriously. "I thought that the exercise would be benificial, help you to lose a few of those summer pounds you seemed to have gained." He trailed his eyes over her stomache and Hermione felt herself blush. She knew that he was just trying to wind her up and that she wasnt fat. Infact she had lost weight over the summer rather than gained it. But He just made her so furious, how did he manage to be so... _annoying_! No one else managed to wind her up like him. he was just so smug, arrogent and stuck up!

Hermione started to see red.  
>She spun around, very much prepared to sock Draco one in the face as she had in their third year, harder if possible. she wanted to hear his nose crunch satisfingly under her fist...<p>

But all her anger suddenly slipped away as she found herself much closer to Draco than she had anticipated.  
>She looked into his much to close face and his mask slipped, just for a second, but it was enough. Her anger gone she just turned and left him standing in the communal common room the two shared.<p>

OoO

Draco wasn't sure what had just happened and he wasn't sure he wanted to analyse his feelings too closely and find out. All he knew was that something about her being so close to him had brought out his deeply buried memories of _that_ night.

And that wasnt good.

OoO

Hermione lay on her bed trying to distract herself with a new muggle book her cousin had sent her. _'The City of Angels' _was interesting and myserious. Just the kind of book that would normally captivate her, and refuse to let her go untill the last page was turned. But for some reason tonight it didn't hold the same magic that normally came with a new book.

Impatiently she snapped the book closed, what was wrong with her? Why couldn't she concentrate? She knew what it was, but refused to accept that for the _second_ time in so many days, Draco was occupying force of her thoughts.

She jumped of her bed and attempted to calmly walk to the little kitchenette in the corner. As if apearing calm on the outside would help her to be so on the inside. Well there was nothing like a nice warm cup of cocoa to calm ones mind and (for some reason) her unsteadily beating heart. It wasnt much of a kitchenet per se, more of a boiler and a cuboard stashed with her favorite treats.

Her room, she had discovered, was quite the most lavishly decked out living space she had ever been in. The walls were hung with red and gold, the bed draped with a similarly coloured silk bed spread. She had several squashy crimson armchairs and a fire place. But the most amazing thing of all was the bathroom. The _huge_ bathroom.

It was around the size of a small paddock. In the centre was a king sized bathtub with hundreds of different kinds of taps around the edge, similar to the prefect bathroom but in white marble instead of stone. There was also a beautifully carved vanity table in the corner with all of Hermione's belongings neatly set out across the top. The only downside to the bathroom was that she had to share it with Malfoy.

Malfoy. That boy was driving her crazy. He went from crying on her shoulder, to ignoring her existence, to laughing at her expense, to lets see if i can make your heart stutter just with my eyes, all in the space of what? Two days! What was someone supposed to _do_ with a boy like that?

Sighing heavily she lay back down on her bed, her head sinking into the mountain of pillows that were now hers.  
>There was only one was she was ever getting any rest that night.<p>

Putting her wand to her head she muttered the spell for a sweet, dreamless night's sleep. "_Disendos_"

OoO

**Thanks for reading!**

***Recipy from yumsugar**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or settings in the book, only the dialog**

**Just For Fun:**

**I Lack the effort to come up with one of these today... SO just skip straight to the reading part :)**

Draco sighed and rolled out of bed, he was never going to get back to sleep so he might as well just give up and take a shower. Slipping into the bathroom he started pulling off his t-shirt. Draco heard a door open and he looked up quickly. Hermione was standing in her door way to the bathroom, looking around sleepily.

"Morning" he said, grinning as her eyes snapped up to were he was standing; she was suddenly very much awake.

He grinned even more broadly as her eyes noticeably widened and her mouth fell open slightly. Eyes travelling over his exposed upper body.

OoO

Hermione felt her jaw hit the floor with a thud, since when did Draco Malfoy get… well… bloody gorgeous! She knew that he had always been considered attractive by the majority of the female population of Hogwarts, but she had always put it down to his wealth and his natural arrogance which seemed, crazy as it sounded, to attract some young ladies.

But WOW!

She couldn't tear her eyes away from him!

His skin was milk and cream, with just a hint of goldenness to it. Just enough to make it look healthy, but not spoil the effect of the delicious whiteness. It looked so perfect, she wanted to reach out and brush her fingers against his chest, to see if it could possibly be as flawless it looked. He was toned perfectly, his muscles being well defined and shapely.

Hermione let her eyes travel up his chest to his face which she felt like she was seeing for the first time. His jaw and nose were moulded along the lines of a Greek god. There was something delicate about the features, but not enough to make them unmanly. His hair was a shocking shade of platinum blond but it seemed compliment his skin rather than wash it out, several long strands were falling gently into his eyes.

His eyes.

Pools of liquid silver, tinted with flecks of green.  
>Hermione felt a small sigh of longing escape her lips staring at this piece of manly perfection. His eyes were full of laughter and the corner of his mouth curved up in a small smile, bringing out a small dimple in one cheek. Oh My Gosh could he get even more damn attractive!<p>

"Sorry Granger, im going to finish getting changed now so if you don't mind…" Draco asked her innocently. "Though you're welcome to stay and watch if you really want…" And with that Hermione had the decency to flee back to her bedroom.

…. Later….

"… the dress was so perfect and looked just stunning on me, but honestly when would I get to wear it at this school? I wish we could have more parties and… Ohmygosh! Hermione! You're Head Girl, right, well why don't you organize something? Hermione? Helloooww, are you even listening to me?"

Hermione, who had been absentmindedly comparing the vision that was Draco's body with Ronald's, suddenly came crashing back to earth as Lavender pinched her hard on the arm.

"OW! What was that for!" she shrieked rubbing her arm furiously. Lavender really did have sharp nails. "You weren't listening to me" Lavender whined, "I was saying that we should have more parties at school don't you think?"

Hermione desperately clung to this idea, not at all liking were her thoughts had been taking her. "Uh… yeah! That sounds like a great idea! Um why don't you suggest it to McGonagall? Or Slughorn, you know how he likes a party."

Lavender seemed struck by this idea. "Maybe your right… but wait why don't you do it? Your head girl, they're more likely to listen to you, aren't they?"

Hermione wasn't overly fond of the pompous old potions professor, "Oh um, well it _is_ your idea and all so you wouldn't want me getting all the credit for it now, would you? Besides, you're good at winding the teachers around your finger. You can be _very_ persuasive and you know it, just turn on the charm and flutter those eyelashes. Slughorn will be at your beck and call."

"Yeah, well it really is my field of expertise isn't it?" lavender winked "Well I'll talk to him after potions today." She faded off for a moment as Malfoy stood up and left the hall, followed by his usual gang of giggling fan girls. Hermione rolled her eyes at the dramatics, squashing all thoughts on how he made the school uniform look like a fashion statement. Traitorous female mind. "Maybe Draco will have to ask him something too," Lavender added hopefully. "I mean he _is_ always the last one to leave the class room" she gave a little gasp and clapped her hands together excitedly, "Ooh! Maybe he will walk me back to the common room!"

Hermione's heart sped up and she choked on her food. Coughing and spluttering she surfaced to meet Lavenders slightly disgusted look.

"Why? Why! Would you want to walk with _Malfoy_?"  
>Lavender flicked her hair. "Oh well you know he is <em>only<em> the most good looking guy in the school." Her sarcasm flicked painfully at Hermione's earlier thoughts, so, full of fresh denial she spluttered. "He is _not_!"

"Well your dating Ron so of course you can't agree, but seriously," Lavender sighed. "He is so gorgeous."

Hermione glanced in his direction where Lavender was staring dreamily, offcourse it was _then_ that Draco turned around, pausing just before he walked out the door. He grinned and gave her a small wave when he caught her looking, causing Lavender to shoot her a sharp look.

It didn't help that she was now blushing to the roots of her hair.

OoO

Draco glanced and caught Granger looking at him, smirking he gave her a small wave and she spun back around furiously.

He chuckled to himself, so Granger had been impressed this morning had she? Well she had no idea how close she had come to walking in on him fully unclothed.

They were going to have to organize some sort of system so this wouldn't happen again. Imagine if it had been him who walked in on her while she was changing!  
>He doubted that she would have casually joked with him. In fact chances were that he would now be sitting in the hospital wing supporting some kind of serious physical injury.<p>

Draco internally chuckled to himself just thinking about it. "What's the joke Draco?" Pansy asked. Okay so maybe it wasn't so internally. "Nothing." He said, still smiling to himself.

"If there is something funny im sure we would all like to hear it." She said sweetly, watching him closely with her shrewd hawkish eyes.

"Yeah Drake, what's the joke?" Chorused Pansy's worshipful fan club. Smile gone he sighed. Why couldn't she just leave him alone for one second of the day! "Nothing Pansy, you wouldn't get it."

She pouted, "You are coming with us to the Hogsmead weekend next week aren't you Drakey? Because you did promise." She wined, pulling at his arm.

He sighed inwardly, what on earth had made him promise to that? He had probably been in an exceptionally favourable mood that day.

"Um… er… well you see Blaise and I, well," He swallowed. He knew from experience that you didn't want to cross Pansy. "Well we had some plans, didn't we Blaise?" he shot a meaningful look in Blaise's direction. Along with a well aimed kick under the table when he just looked confused.

"Oh, yeah, you know we have to get some stuff… head boy stuff, you know. Sorry Pans. It really will be a bore, we would honestly much rather come with you… but you know McGonagall." He sent an apologetic look at Pansy who had totally swallowed his story.

Draco once again marvelled at his friends remarkable skills with the ladies. Blaise could honestly make almost anyone believe anything he told them, except for Draco.

They had become fast friends as first years when Blaise Zambini had sweet talked his way into getting the two of them out of detention when they had both unfortunately blown up a cauldron in there second ever potions class.

OoO

Hermione heard running and spun around as Ron crashed into her, swinging her around by the waist. She was giggling furiously as he set her down, pecked her on the cheek and handed her an envelope. "It's from Slughorn, any idea what it could be?" shaking her head she took it, more interested in the man in front of her. "Did you hear about the Hogsmead trip next week? I didn't think it would be so soon after beginning term!" Ron clamped a hand over her mouth, looking around quickly, "Shhhh! I keep feeling like at any moment a teachers going to pop out of the walls and be like, 'JUST KIDDING', it seems too good to be true!" Hermione bit his hand playfully, laughing as he yelped and leapt away from her. "Nope, I just got it confirmed by McGonagall herself." She pulled up the letter and waved it infront of her boyfriends face, "But now I must read this letter of seemingly great importance."

_Ms Granger,_

_I am writing this note to see if you would you do me the honour of dining in my rooms at 6pm sharply this evening. I have been rather impressed by an idea put forward to me by Ms Lavender Brown, and I would like to discuss the notion of holding a ball this year. Similar possibly to the Yule ball you attended, I believe, in your fourth year? Please join me and don't worry about food, we will be having a spot of dinner in my chambers if you don't mind._

_Yours sincerely _

_Horace Slughorn_

**Thankyou all for reading with me so far **


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